The Softest Moment
by Marie Vaughn
Summary: Post ATY AU: **Updated with Ch. 3!!** Sydney and Vaughn realize the reprocussions of their experience in Taipei **Thanks for the GREAT reviews! Keep 'em coming!**
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Softest Moment

Author: Marie Vaughn

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters associated with Alias. No copyright infringement intended.

Comments: This came to me during work. I've been an avid X-Files fan fiction author, but haven't attempted Alias 'till now. I don't know if I have the characters down yet… please please please review!!

*** The Softest Moment ***

They were focused, practically silent finding their way back to the airport, and the cargo plane that would take them home. Home. Sydney would have laughed if she weren't so damn miserable. After what she had just been through, she doubted that anywhere would ever again feel like home. Looking over at Vaughn, his expression slightly haunted, she forced herself to forgo wallowing in her own misery. She could only imagine what he had just gone through. She didn't know yet exactly how he had escaped, her questioning glances going unanswered. But as she silently indexed through the various situations where he had been a willing ear to her problems, the one strong presence when her world seemed to be spinning out of control, she hoped that she could do the same for him. She owed him that much. The pair arrived at the airport, meeting Jack in front of the plane.

            "What happened?" He asked, his voice flat and businesslike.

            "Long story." Sydney answered glancing at Vaughn. He forced a small smile. "How's Will?"

            "Already inside, probably sleeping by now." Jack answered. Sydney was surprised and pleased by the slight softening in his eyes as he spoke. "We should really be going."

            "The sooner the better." Sydney smiled at Vaughn's voice, but when she looked into his eyes she did not see the humored sparkle that she expected. Instead, his emerald eyes were flat, almost lifeless. Smiling slightly she mimicked his own actions from only hours before, grasping his hand in her own, and leading him up the stairs, into the plane. Walking into the cargo hold, Sydney surveyed the scene, taking in Will's sleeping form in one corner. Hearing Jack settle himself in the cockpit, she urged Vaughn to sit beside her, pulling gently on his hand as she sat back against the wall. He followed her willingly, rubbing his forehead wearily as he sat, holding tight to Sydney's hand next to him.

            "Vaughn, you okay?" Sydney asked quietly, knowing he obviously wasn't, but not knowing where else to start. He looked over at her, meeting her eyes with an expression filled with relief, and terror. "You know you can talk to me." He smiled at her then, a sweet, sad smile, and reached over to wrap his arms around her. She immediately returned the hug, holding him tightly against her as she ran one hand gently through his hair. "Then again I've always thought talking was highly overrated." She whispered. He chuckled against her as he rested his forehead on her shoulder, squeezing her tightly in silent thanks. He pulled away from her then, knowing Jack, and CIA protocol, were close by. As their hands instinctively found each other again, he looked into her eyes, smiling at the friendship he saw reflected there.

            "As long as I know that you'll be here, for me to talk to once I process all of this, I'll be fine."

            "You've got my number." She whispered, squeezing his hand. He shifted his gaze to the floor, trying to keep his all too raw emotions in check at hearing his own words repeated back to him. "C'mon." she said softly, lightly gripping his shoulders, urging him to lie down, "You look exhausted."

            "Syd, your father – " he started, his eyes questioning.

            "Can mind his own business." She responded, pulling his head gently to her lap. "Just relax, it's a long flight home." He sighed, closing his eyes wearily as he felt her hand, slowly stroking through his hair. Begrudgingly, he let his body relax into her arms, and finally let darkness overtake him.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I want to thank everyone who reviewed my first chapter for such supportive words! I was planning on letting it stand alone, but why not give a second chapter a shot! Hope you like it!

Chapter 2

As the water poured violently over him, he felt himself being pulled backwards. He looked around frantically, disoriented, knowing there was somewhere, someone that he needed to get to. His eyes focused, and he saw her, watching him with fear-filled eyes. He fought desperately to get to her, reaching his hands out for her, but the unseen current was too strong. The more he fought, the faster he was pulled away, into the depths of this man made ocean. As his world went black, his last thoughts were of her, of Sydney.

            Vaughn awoke with a start, his heart racing. He could still feel the water running through his hair. It took him several moments to realize where he was, what had happened. Eventually he recognized the back of the cargo plane, and some tension was visibly released as he realized whose lap he was lying in; that it was Sydney's fingers, not the currents of countless gallons of water, softly caressing his hair.

            "Bad dream?" she asked softly, abandoning her ministrations of his scalp to slowly rub his back, willing away the tension between his shoulder blades. Vaughn closed his eyes briefly at the sensation, then sighed, sitting up to face her.

            "Aren't you tired? You should try to sleep." He answered, ignoring her question.

            "I'm fine." She said quickly, trying desperately to read his eyes. "What was it about?"

            He looked up at her, wondering if she realized just how complex a question that actually was. "You."

            She looked surprised, but quickly hid the expression behind a devilish glint in her eyes. "Oh, one of those dreams…" she smiled slyly, watching with pleasure as the corner of his mouth twitched into a little half smile, the kind she had quickly grown to savor.

            "Not quite." He answered, grateful for her humor. He sighed, realizing he had to talk to someone, and at the same time, realizing there was no one else he'd rather talk to. He launched into details about the dream, taking strength from Sydney's unwavering gaze. He stopped short of analysis, figuring that she could extrapolate the supposed message easily by herself, and not really wanting to put words to what he thought the dream could mean. When he finished, they sat for a few moments in comfortable silence, as he pondered how to say what exactly he was thinking. Looking into her eyes, he was suddenly surprised by the expression reflected there. Instead of the camaraderie and support that he had been getting used to, he saw resignation, and even hopelessness. "What?" he asked quietly, his heart racing suddenly in anticipation.

            "I'm going to request that you be removed as my handler." She said softly.

            "What?! Sydney, no…" 

            "No, Vaughn, stop." He shut his mouth, silencing his protests. She held his gaze for several moments, before shifting to stare at the floor. "I came too close to losing you tonight. And I realized that I can't. I can't lose you too. I would rather be alone knowing you were alive. I would rather that, than… " She let the sentence trail off, knowing he understood where she was going.

            Vaughn sat silently for a few moments, but the more he thought about what she was saying, the angrier he became. "That's horribly selfish." He said softly, unable to keep the anger out of his tone. She looked up at him quizzically. "You want a new handler, why, so I won't follow you around and get myself killed?"

            "Vaughn, that's not- "

            "No Sydney, that's exactly what you're saying. You want me on some other assignment, manning some desk job, so you can go to sleep at night knowing I'm safe. Well, Sydney, did you stop and think about me? About how that little arrangement of yours would make me feel?" He paused, looking over at Will, aware that his voice was rising in volume. When he started again, he spoke softly. "I know you care about me Sydney, I know it. But I care about you. For God's sake I follow you out here because I can help you, because I _want_ to help you. If I'm on some desk back in LA, I won't be able to go to sleep at night. I'll never know that you're safe, that you're alive. And I can't do that." He emphasized his last sentence, and watched as her eyes softened in understanding. "I can't not know that I've done everything in my power to keep you safe."

            Sydney nodded, her eyes shining with tears that she willed not to fall. "I'm sorry." She whispered, "Vaughn, I didn't think. I'm sorry-"

            "Sydney, don't apologize." He said softly, thoughtfully stroking her fingers lightly with his own. She entwined hers with his immediately. "I guess that's why they have these rules huh?" he said with a wry smile.

            "Yeah, I guess so." She replied, but their smiles vanished as quickly as they had appeared, as the same nagging question entered both of their minds. "Vaughn, what are we going to do?"

            He stared at her intently for a moment, then closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I don't know."

A/N: So what do you think? I don't usually do much with dialogue; I'm more of a mood/description type person. Was it believable?? Please R&R!!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay, this was a REALLY long time coming, and I totally apologize for that. What can I say? Studying for the MCAT is not conducive to fan-fiction… But, in any case I hope you enjoy this. It's short, and it's complete sap, absolutely no plot (well, almost), but hey, that's not necessarily a bad thing, right? Anyway, I'm trying to take this a little further from ATY, seeing as how the new season is now upon us… I think I have a pretty good jumping off point… ;-)

***The Softest Moment Ch. 3**** Marie Vaughn

Looking back on the whirlwind that was her week once the group returned from Taipei, Sydney can only remember one moment. Sure there had been hours of strategizing between her father, Vaughn, and herself; formulating plans, plotting moves and countermoves, figuring out how to counteract what Dixon would surely reveal about her, how to convince the CIA that they shouldn't be retired right then and there, how to keep Will alive… But once that was over, there was one phone call that Sydney would always remember; one phone call that would define that week for her. In that one moment, two words that she had heard countless times over the past year would suddenly have a whole new meaning.

            When Sydney arrived at the warehouse that night, she could hardly remember how she had gotten there. The entire drive over she had been hearing Vaughn's voice over and over in her head. "Joey's Pizza?" Those two words were all too familiar to her, but this time, they sent a jolt of worry straight to the pit of her stomach. Vaughn's voice had sounded haggard, detached, and it scared her more than she liked. She walked into the building, trying desperately not to run, not wanting to alarm him. "Vaughn?" she called out, her voice echoing in the empty room, making it sound more hollow than she had intended.

            "Hey." His voice, out of the darkness, sounded even more lifeless than it had on the phone. Her heart broke for him, knowing all too well the pain he was feeling, the pain that she had forced him to relive. "I'm sorry for calling you so late." He said softly as she approached him, standing in front of him as he sat on a pile of empty boxes. She shook off his apology quickly, giving him a knowing look, and he smiled slightly, staring at her feet. "Thank you for coming." The words were spoken barely above a whisper. She quietly took in his form, the slump of his shoulders, the way he clasped his hands tightly in his lap, his knuckles white, the dark circles under his eyes, telling her that this was probably not his first sleepless night in the recent past. Seeing him like this, she wanted nothing more than to take him in her arms, to feel his muscles relax beneath her hands, to smooth away the lines that now seemed permanently etched into his face, to soothe away his demons, if only briefly; to allow him some peace.

            "Vaughn, what is it?" she asked after a brief moment of silence. He slowly released a shuddering breath, and then looked up to meet her eyes.

            "Usually, I go get drunk." He said matter-of-factly. Her expression questioned him, "Weiss." He said, by way of explanation, and she smiled slightly, picturing the two of them at some bar, drinking until 2am, hitting on the waitresses. "He always seems to know when I've got something on my mind. By the end of the night, I've either spilled my guts, or forgotten the problem that got us there in the first place." He stopped then, his wistful expression disappearing. "Syd, I can't talk to Weiss about this." She nodded, stepping closer to him, until she was almost standing between his knees. "But her face-" he looked into her eyes then, examining her until she could no longer hold his gaze, "She looks like you, you know." She winced slightly, trying desperately to keep her face impassive, to be strong for him this once. "Except, your eyes-" He continued his examination of her face, "Your eyes aren't the same. Hers were cold, terrifying. I see them every night, and I know in my heart that they were the last thing my dad ever saw." At his last words, nothing else concerned Sydney except taking away the pain that was so obvious in his face. She moved closer, bridging that last step that separated them, and quickly wrapped her arms around him. Without hesitation his own arms went around her waist, holding her tightly to him as he buried his face in her shoulder. He took in slow, deliberate breaths, trying desperately to take control over his emotions, concentrating on Sydney's hands slowly rubbing his back, kneading at his sore, tense muscles. After several minutes he reluctantly pulled away from her, his arms still loosely wrapped around her, her hands slowly stroking his hair. She rested her forehead against his, and he closed his eyes, trying to picture Sydney's face, instead of her mother's.

            "If I'm playing Weiss' role here, maybe next time you should call for Frank's Tavern or something, and I'll know to bring large amounts of alcohol." She said softly. He chuckled, smiling in spite of their circumstances, looking up to meet her eyes.

            "Not Weiss." He said quietly, reaching up to softly tuck a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. They stood there for what seemed an eternity, their breathing slowing in sync with each other's. But suddenly Sydney pulled away, leaving him feeling empty, and alone. He closed his eyes, kicking himself, knowing he had gone too far, had crossed that line that they had both silently vowed not to cross. His eyes opened again when he felt her presence next to him. He looked over at her, as she settled next to him, sitting close to him, their shoulders leaning against each other. She reached for his hand, wrapping her smaller one around his.

            "I asked you last week, what we were going to do." She said softly. He nodded, squeezing her hand gently, urging her to continue. "Vaughn, there's so much that I don't understand, so much that I'm confused about right now. And I know that you feel the same way." She paused again, taking a minute to gather what exactly she was trying to say to him. "Every day of my life is spent fighting for control, in one way or another. I realized this week, that the only time I truly feel like I'm on top, when I don't have to fight anymore, is when I'm with you." She looked into his eyes then, hoping that he was truly understanding her. "There were so many days over this past year, when you were the only thing that kept me fighting. You have kept me grounded, have kept me sane; have kept me happy. And now, as we both wonder what to do, with this-" she squeezed his hand between them, "I realize that the only thing I can do, the only thing I want to do, is to make sure I am to you, who you have been for me." She brought her free hand to his face, softly rubbing her thumb against his lower lip "Damn the consequences."

A/N: So, what do you thing? Good? Bad? Ugly? Way too sticky from the overload of sap? You know what to do… click the little button and review review review!!


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